And it could happen to you...

There are some things in life that we spend our whole lives looking for, except we never know that we are looking for it until we find it. Today, I have made one of those miraculous discoveries: BEHOLD! The picture on the right is a picture of an authentic retrieval portal. I say again, I have found the retrieval portal in a small coffee shop in Knoxville, TN. Thousands, I'm sure, throughout history have died in search of just such a retrieval portal. So far I have managed to unlock the secret of retrieving concentrated chai tea from this particular retrieval portal, but I know that it is only a matter of time before I uncover the greater secrets in the darkness of the carton's cardboard belly. Will I find the answers to the great mysteries of the universe; God, life, a unified field theory? Will a voice within whisper to me undiscovered excerpts of the Canterbury Tales or perhaps a sequel to Beowulf? Does this portal lead to the body of Jimmy Hoffa and does Jimmy Hoffa's body contain the cure for cancer when it is found through The Portal of Chai? Perhaps I will find tea leaves or perhaps the doorway into some sort of tea based dimension where physics are based on the caffeine principle, people read wine dregs to tell the future, and the rivers flow with warm honey. The possibilities are limitless, the universe beyond infinite. More on this in years to come as we all ascend to greatness.